Self Doubt - (noun) lack of confidence in oneself and one's abilities.
I rarely talk about my worries to anyone, but yesterday Melissa Kimble from My Creative Connection gave me the opportunity and the platform to let all my feelz out during last nights #creativesmartgirl chat. This Twitter chat was hosted by Nia of The Glam Savvy Life and the topic was "A Year Without Self Doubt" with Neffy Anderson, Rhonesha Byng, Ashley Coleman, and Krystal Scott on the panel. I wasn't tweeting from my personal account, I was tweeting from the My Creative Connection account, which has a pretty large following. Thankful and nervous are the words to describe how I felt last night when Melissa asked me if I wanted to tune into the chat from her companies account. But I did it and it felt great!
Now, I am writing a recap and going into more detail of the questions and answers that were presented. Please feel few to add any comments on the bottom of the page. I would love to continue the discussion.
Self doubt for me starts with a rush of negative thoughts and negative energy within my current space. My motivation, spirit and energy are all gone, and I am left questioning "what the fuck am I doing?". Unfortunately this happens all the time. I could be on the train, writing in my room, on a run, hanging out with friends, EVERYWHERE! Then it leads to comparing my current situation with others my age, the thoughts of "why aren't I as successful as so and so?" or "what am I doing wrong?". I've completely discontinued projects and stopped sharing my work because I unfortunately let my self-doubt get the best of me.
My self-doubt has talked me out of applying for jobs or taking on opportunities I know I am qualified for. That little voice in my head telling me "there is always someone 10x better" or "they will pick someone with more experience, whats the point of wasting your time and applying?" or "no one is going to like it". For about five months I completely stopped blogging because I thought my work wasn't good enough and forgot my main purpose and reasoning behind the creation of it. MY OWN PERSONAL CREATIVE OUTLET!
Reaching out for help is another problem I deal with too. Thinking I'm bugging someone or wasting their time with my problems is always on the back of my mind so I end up not asking for help at all. I'm the friend that is continuously looking out and helping others but refuses to seek help when I need it the most. WHY? Self-doubt....
Again, bringing back those little negative voices in my head telling me "there is always someone better". I am creative, the content I create for companies is amazing, my social voice is strong and adapts well from brand to brand. But is it really that good? Is it good enough for me to land other opportunities? When I speak of my accomplishments and experiences do others see it as I do?
Imposter syndrome comes from focusing too much on what other people think. FUCK EM! Well, I try, but...FUCK EM! :)
As Neffy Anderson said, self-doubt is a natural human process. A process that tries to seep into the creative process. When you are drafting out your blog posts, or creating an editorial calendar, editing photos, you don't write down "step 2: here comes self doubt". It happens naturally, and what you do or don't do with these feelings is the most important factor.
"I think its how we deal with self doubt. Do you push through or let it crush you?" - Alexis Yeboah.
"Self doubt comes from fear and if you aren't scared of your dreams they're not big enough" - Jovonne Cameron.
I know this post sounds pretty sad, but this is what I go through, every day. Anyone that follows me sees the output of me overcoming and pushing through my self doubt though and that's kinda cool.
Creating DeexDee is the biggest goal I have achieved while socking self-doubt in the face. I've always been pretty sensitive and nervous about my writing, but I needed a creative outlet. At one point at my last position, I got sick and tired of constantly being told what to create. So I said FUCK EM! I'm going to create a platform where I can share cool shit, people, music, photography and whatever the hell I like.
My roommate and I put all of our goals on sticky notes and put them on our walls so we can see and be reminded of them everyday. It's a great way to start your day and reading our goals always puts a smile on my face.
Self care, and self love is so important. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first and making sure everything is ok in your world before bringing on other dramas.
Failure happens, and one should use it as a building block or lesson of what to never do again. Turning your negatives and twisting them into something positive is the easiest way for you to have a year without self-doubt.
What I learned from the #creativesmartgirl twitter chat is that I am not the only one with these feelings. Self-doubt happens to everyone at some point, but I SHOULD NOT let these feelings take control. My dreams are definitely big, and I know one day I am going to achieve them all. How I climb out of my hole of self-doubt and turn it into fuel for my next blog post or pitch to a potential client is what I need to be focusing on.
I would like to thank Melissa again for letting me broadcast my insecurities on her platform. All them feelz out there in the open like that sheesh lol. Thank you Nia, all the ladies on the panel and everyone who joined in for a healthy and encouraging, much needed conversation.